Screen shot 2013-10-10 at 9.58.38 AMAs I mentor people there are a few things that, if I can keep them in mind, bring me rest and peace.  However, if I lose sight of these as I mentor I begin to feel stressed.  So, I thought I’d throw these out to you…maybe they would be of help to you today.

(1) I’m not the Messiah.  People are not a problem to be fixed and even where there are issues to be worked on, it’s not my job to fix them.  Philippians 1:6 tells us that God is going to complete the work.  He may use us, but the job of fixing is not ours.

(2) I’m a part of something bigger.  My role is to follow what God is already doing.  So, I don’t try to find areas that need to be worked on, I try to find the areas that God is already working…and then try to encourage further growth in those areas.

(3) I’m a real person too. I have past and present struggles and I cannot, nor should I, deny those.  So, when I can legitimately identify with a struggle that the person I’m mentoring is experiencing, I make sure to share my experiences.

(4) My hindsight can become foresight. I haven’t been around every block, but this isn’t my first rodeo.  Through experiences of embracing what I know to be true about Jesus, God has given me (and you) some wisdom in areas of life.  When we can see someone walking into a trap that we have fallen victim to, we can help them process through whether or not they actually want to walk down the same path.

Thanks for loving students,

Chuck

@chuckbomar

Screen shot 2013-09-26 at 9.49.35 AMTeaching people about Jesus through the scriptures is one of my favorite things to do.  But over the years I’ve discovered bad habits that I had to overcome.  If you teach at all, I’d guess that you struggle with things like this too.  So, I thought it might be helpful to list a few things we tend to do that I believe to be outside of our “job description” as teachers.

As a teacher your job is not to…

  1. Give a book report.  Many times when we are preparing a message we will read books and commentaries.  We then begin working out a flow of thought by organizing all the information we obtained.  And, if we’re not careful we end up giving little more than a book report to those we are teaching. We must remember that this is not our job.  Studying what God has revealed to other people about about a passage or topic can be good to do in many regards, but I would suggest that great caution should be taken to make sure that our study does not hinder us from prayerfully considering what God wants us to say, personally.  For me, I had to stop beginning my preparation by reading other sources.  Instead, I now begin with prayer and personally walking through the bible study methods I teach others…and then look at resources to support or confront the things I’ve learned from my personal study.
  2. Conform behavior.  If our messages are not applicable to the lives of those we teach we are wasting our time.  But, if we’re not careful our desire to be practical can easily cause us to simply teach proper behavior.  There is a fine line here to watch carefully.  I’d suggest our job isn’t to get people to do things, but rather to help them understand, love and enjoy Jesus.



Can we try it again?

Last week we had a great dialogue on the topic of gay youth, the Boy Scouts of America.and a new alternative called Trail Life USA. The ground rules were simple -

“Let’s see if we can keep this respectable and God-honoring. Remember, the eternities of students are on the line.”

The goal here isn’t a debate on homosexuality, but on what it means to be a youth worker in the trenches of this ongoing topic. Whether or not you have a student in your ministry who is actively walking in this tension, your teens likely know someone who is.

On that note, I’d like to share a link my friend Darren Sutton passed along. His comments under the headline were “Wow. Courageous and unexpected.”

My curiosity peaked immediately.

2012-09_LT-GayCatholicFine1

Especially when I saw the headline: Gay, Catholic and Doing Fine.”

You really need to read the whole article, although I will offer two quotes here:

I have heard a lot about how mean the Church is, and how bigoted, because she opposes gay marriage. How badly she misunderstands gay people, and how hostile she is towards us. My gut reaction to such things is: Are you freaking kidding me? Are we even talking about the same Church?

Actually, the only time I get shock or disgust or disbelief, the only time I’ve noticed people treating me differently after I tell them, is when I tell someone who supports the gay lifestyle. Celibacy?! You must be some kind of freak.

I’d like to again raise some questions in the vibe of what I did last week. For example:

  • How do you feel about this young man taking the approach of celibacy for the sake of his walk with God? In his words: “So, yes, it’s hard to be gay and Catholic — it’s hard to be anything and Catholic — because I don’t always get to do what I want. Show me a religion where you always get to do what you want and I’ll show you a pretty shabby, lazy religion. Something not worth living or dying for, or even getting up in the morning for. That might be the kind of world John Lennon wanted, but John Lennon was kind of an idiot.”
  • Is it healthy to loop “Catholic” and “gay” together? Hear me out on this – I don’t want this to become a word study of 1 Corinthians 6:9, but perhaps we do need to nod to 1 Corinthians 6:11 as we consider the implications for youth ministry. That verse comes after a number of things the Bible lists as sins, adding (emphasis mine), “And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”So if your church or denomination takes a stance on something, might it confuse youth to say, “You can be a ___________ and a (Catholic/Methodist/Baptist/etc).” Is that one step away from “You can be a ____________ and a Christ-follower?” Should the target instead be, “Receive Christ. Embrace your new identity and Story. Your sin nature no longer has reign over you, and the Holy Spirit will help you face the temptations for sins that will still swarm in on you.”
  • Honesty time – how much of your first reaction to those last two questions was filtered through your personal view on this topic versus your willingness to walk into the grace and holiness of God? No, really… how much? Is it possible more people know your personal platform on this topic more than they do your walk with the Lord? Maybe we need to take a cue from the person who wrote the blog.

Quick tip – before you hit reply, sift through that last question a bit and remember the ground rules for our discussion here. This isn’t a post about homosexuality, but about how we minister to where students may fall on this as they process it all. Try to share Jesus and not your platform. Thanks!

Screen shot 2013-09-17 at 11.30.50 AMLooking back over the last 14 years, I’ve realized I got married for the wrong reasons.  Well, not entirely, but let me briefly explain.  I was attracted to my wife and thought she was a good fit for me and thought she’d be a great mom…and I really enjoyed being around her.  Not bad things, of course.  Great things, actually.  But if I’m honest my thoughts were self focused.

I’ve since realized that self-focus doesn’t really work too well in marriage.  My wife and I had to make a decision years ago to not operate from a place of self focus if we really wanted the relationship we longed for in our marriage.  We certainly have not perfected this, but we are constantly working on it.

The same is true in our relationship with God.  If you’re like me you became a Christian because you saw it as a benefit to you.  That it is, by the way, true and beautiful.  But at some point we begin to feel like something just isn’t right in our relationship with God if we continue operating like this.  The love motivated sacrificial aspects of our relationship with God can’t just be one sided.  At some point, like in my marriage, we must work on moving away from self focus to really experience the relationship we want.

Here are 4 things I believe a follower of Jesus eventually comes to understand and because of their love for God inevitably seeks to do:

  1. Believes in the benefits of Jesus’ death (Romans 5:11; 1 Peter 3:18).  It can be boiled down to “relational reconciliation,” both in life and eternity.
  2. Embraces the call of Jesus’ death and God’s mercy (2 Corinthians 5:14-15; Romans 12:1-2).  It can be boiled down to “selflessly living for Jesus and his Kingdom.”
  3. Learns about and obeys Jesus’ commands in community with other disciples (Acts 2:44-47).  It can be boiled down to “evangelistic community.”
  4. Causes others to understand and embrace all three above (Matthew 28:18-20).  This can be boiled down to “discipleship.”



Everyone is ramped up for school to be back in, rhythms to be brought back…and to implement all that we have planned.  We have new volunteers, new roles for veteran volunteers and we’ve cast out new vision.

All that makes it really easy to forget these things:

  1. The head of your ministry is Jesus. We can’t fall into having a Messiah complex where we think everything falls on us.  We have a role – and it’s important – but we are not the answer.  Jesus is.
  2. Your ministry is a part of something bigger - a church or campus ministry.  We must be aligned with the bigger picture and create windows of connection into that.
  3. People just want to feel like they belong.  Whatever age of people you are focused on, the bottom line is they are looking to belong.  And here’s the thing: belonging doesn’t come through programs or events or good sermon messages.  Belonging only comes through relationships.
  4. Ministry is and should be simple.  I have a friend and in many ways a mentor that often says, “only people count.”  He is right and we cannot forget that.  And, we must realize that “people counting” is different than us counting people.

6 Things A Mentor Does

 —  August 28, 2013 — 1 Comment

Here are 6 things I believe a mentor does or should do:

  1. Gives timely advice.  Their advice seeks to encourage and guides toward Christ-likeness in all facets of life.
  2. Risks own reputation.  At times the mentor backs the mentee, putting his/her own reputation on the line.
  3. Bridges to resources.  Whether the resource is a book or a contact or an opportunity for ministry, mentors resource mentee’s for their growth.
  4. Sets the example.  In all facets of life mentors provide the model to follow – being honest about imperfections, of course.
  5. Shares ministry.  By co-laboring in ministry a mentor intentionally increases the credibility of the mentee.
  6. Pushes up.  Mentors seek to push mentee’s beyond their level of leadership and celebrates how that occurs.



 

Don't hate on the hair. My family.

Don’t hate on the hair. My family the 80′s

 

After watching the great video blog by Kurt and AC on the topic of special needs students HERE I was inspired to share some  more thoughts on this topic from a slightly different point of view.

My Mom suspected that the pregnancy wasn’t quite right.  She had chicken pox in her first trimester, but the doctors assured her everything would be fine.  Courtney arrived in 1975 as was one of 7 recorded cases internationally to be born with Congenital Varicella Syndrome. There was nothing about her that should have survived. . Here’s a quick run down of  how my sister entered the world several months early at less than 2 pounds:  She was blind, had one disfigured leg, no feeling in her left hand, urinary and digestive tract problems and was mentally delayed.  Yet, she was born a fighter and lived when the world said she should not survive.  To her doctors, teachers, caretakers and my parents she was a phenom. To me she was baby sister.

I want to contemplate for a moment if we had entered your youth group.  She would have been a Freshman when I was Senior.  What would you have done?

Here is what you would have seen from the outside looking in:

My Sister:

Here comes the sweet, vibrant kid in the wheel chair.  She was the outgoing one. She loved Anime and romantic comedies.   She was obsessed with country music.  However, upon meeting her you would not have immediately caught on that Courtney was developmentally delayed.  Maybe you would see a girl who was a little immature for her age. Then there were her medical challenges.  Her electric chair was huge and cumbersome.  She couldn’t see you, except out of the corner of her right eye.  Her left hand couldn’t grasp anything.  Someone,  a nurse, a parent or myself had to take her to the bathroom to deal with tubes and bags.

Me:

Then you would meet the highly overachieving perfectionist sister.  I loved my sister deeply,  but inside I struggled.  I grappled that I felt like I had to make up for what she could never be.  I wrestled with the injustice of both of our situations in life.  All Courtney wanted was to be a “regular” kid like me.  I always knew the attention my sister received was out necessity, yet it still hurt.  I felt left out.  I felt never good enough for anyone, because  I was  not born the anything “case” in the world.   You would not have ever guessed any of it.   At 17 I was entirely wonderful at keeping all adults at arms length.  If I was smart enough,  performed well enough,  and articulate enough,  then you would leave me alone.   I was very, very good at maintaining my polish.

My Parents:

Enter the parents. I read a statistic recently that 80-90% of parents with a disabled child end up divorced. By some insane miracle my parents have reached beyond 40 years of marriage. However, the pressure of living like today might just be the day that your child dies wears on you. My sister had numerous near death hospitalizations. Her leg was amputated at 2. Her eye was removed in her teen years and replaced with a glass one. All my parents did was give up themselves until they became a shadow of who they were.  They were physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted all the time.  However,  what you saw were these people who desperately wanted their daughter to belong. Could you give her a chance?  Could you let her be a part of your youth group?  I mean they were fighting for her in every other area of life.  Church should be a place where they could rest and well you, youth worker,  you just HAVE to love her.

You as the youth worker have no idea how to handle this. Larger churches have the luxury of separate ministries for “special needs” students.  Smaller churches rarely have this luxury.

Who gets your attention?  Who gets your compassion?  Whose needs get met?

Stay “Tuned” on Monday for some practical thoughts on approach.

definitionsOkay, so, we are making sure we are clearly defining terms we use in our ministries.  Using terms like “spiritual growth” without clearly defining them, in my opinion, can actually be damaging.  At best it’s ambiguous and confusing for those we lead.  If you missed my definition of “spiritual growth” click here.

In this post I will define “disciple.”  This is important to define clearly because:

1.  It is our identity as followers of Jesus – we are his disciples
2.  If we are to “disciple” someone else we must understand clearly what that means

Here is the definition I use in our church for “disciple:

someone who learns about and from Jesus so they can obey his teachings and teach others to do the same

We often talk about a “disciple” is a learner, but that’s just not good enough.  The goal is NOT to learn information!!!!!  The goal is to obey all Jesus has taught us (Matthew 28:18-20).  So, our definition must include more than just learning.  Secondly, the disciples that walked alongside Jesus were commanded to teach others, so our definition must include this aspect as well.  The goal is NOT to keep what we learn and do to ourselves, but instead to spread it as much as we possibly can.

Lastly, if we are to disciple people, this definition narrows our focus.  Our focus is on the teachings of Jesus, which the rest of the scriptures supports, and our goal is for those we teach to obey what they learn and then cause others to do the same.  If obedience and teaching others to do the same does not follow our “discipleship,” we are not truly discipling anyone.

May you continue to be clear and concise with what you say as a leader.