Apparently, it only takes ten minutes.

movieWhen you sit down to watch a movie, you’ll create a filter for everything that follows within the first ten minutes of what you see.

Maybe this is why some of the best movies have an unexpected teaser that you don’t know what to do with. You’re there to see a sci-fi flick about outer space movie, and the opening scenes are set in a desert. Or perhaps the previews promised you a cultural journey through time through a simpleton named “Forrest Gump,” and yet the first and last shot are of a floating feather.

“What’s that all about?” you wonder.

Sometimes it doesn’t even take ten minutes. Researcher Malcolm Gladwell wrote about this in his best-selling book “Blink” – we make major decisions in milliseconds, not in our conscious mind… but in our unconscious mind.

watchingStrangely, we’ll intentionally give other things more than the first ten minutes. Die-hard sports fans know that the trajectory of an entire game that seems one way can change even in the final stretch. The stock market can make a major shift to your retirement plan in any given moment. A sure-thing election can reverse itself when projections don’t pan out.

We know this, so we remind ourselves to stay open.

Which way do you view your life… faith… church… God?

Christmas?

Serving?gift

What if what you perceive of the Story is much larger than the “ten minutes” you’re in? Are you intentionally ready and open to how the circumstances you’re in right now are about to shift… how the wrapping paper doesn’t determine the Gift inside?

It may take you more than ten minutes to rethink how you view your “ten minutes,” but it’s worth it.

How is your “ten minute” filter affecting how you’re serving beyond the first ten minutes?

Do you know your role?

720001Prince William and Kate, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, have been in the news this week. We can all empathize with how difficult it must be for them to sort out ordinary events in the public eye. While this young couple navigates the exciting news of their pregnancy with the hurdle of acute morning sickness (attributed to hyperemesis gravidarum), the rest of the world takes it all in, wondering in the background if and when William will be named the next King of England.

Can you relate?

Years ago, I was a youth worker in a church where our senior pastor was resigning. Suddenly I felt like my life was on display just a bit more than usual as people began wondering if I (or other staff members) would take on the soon-to-be-vacant role. I started attending board meetings a bit more, as I was invited to share my perspective on various things happening. I had to wrestle with the desires of God over the desires of people, including my own.

Can you relate?

Today I was reminded of this older photo of Prince William and Kate (fresh off their honeymoon) visiting with President Barack and Michelle Obama.

Which person in the picture are you?

prince-william-kate-middleton-relationship-photos-obamas

Did you decide?

What do you think Barack and William are talking over?

What are Michelle and Kate chatting about?

Oh… and did you notice the gentleman in the background toward the right?

Look at his face. What is he attentive to?

Look at his posture. What is he ready to do?

Was he one of the choices you considered?

Why?

Why not?

Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him. (John 13:3-5)



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It’s probably a little late for this post as many of us have the summer all laid out. Some of us aim for a scaled back model that includes more “activities.” Other just continue what we have going year round.

There is more “down time” for our families. We each have a different way of filling the summer. For years it was my busiest time filled with camps and missions trips. I almost dreaded the exhaustion as each day I literally ran around from 8:00 in the morning until 10:00 at night doing stuff and then making sure all was ready for the following day. I was frustrated when my students and their parents didn’t show deep appreciation for all I offered.

This triggered a realization for me that it isn’t about IF we do something during the summer, it’s WHAT we do for the summer.

Here are the key elements I take into account:

Take A Breath

What I love most about summer is there are less stressors competing for my student’s energy. While scheduling may still be an issue, I feel like I get a more laid back version of my youth. This is why I love to take the time to teach life lessons in action. Rather than simply sitting for a study, we serve together. Yes, we do take a mission’s trip, however, we find other ways to give to the community as well. In the midst of our projects we talk about the Bible, life lessons, and accountability.

Reinforce & Build

Over the course of the school year I have some key themes we focus on. Summer is when I come at those same ideas from a new fresh angle. I love to come up with activities that back up lessons we have been talking about, then at the end sit down and discuss what they keep learning. As we strengthen the learning, it provides building blocks to new lessons about the Lord.

Stop Talking About Fun

Here’s what I mean. Saying that our summertime activities should be more “fun” is like saying that we are boring the rest of the year. There is space however, to be more creative in some instances. Summer is the perfect venue to ask parents to host a dessert or open their home. Ask students to “plan the summer.” This is the time when they have the bandwidth to try. Could they come up with games, activities or ideas? It will take some guidance, however, try including them not only in what they want, but taking ownership.

Focus Down

Many times we talk about how we want summer to deepen our relationships with students. Yet, merely “hanging out” doesn’t always make that happen. Be purposeful in your relational time. Focus on ways you can get to know youth deeply, and allow them to get to know you.

Throw Out “All or Nothing”

Often the schedules of our students dictate what we do. We complain, “Not that many students come.”  So what? Why do we have to have a large number of students for it to be effective? We never know which students may be really impacted just by the extra attention they get.

Summer is my favorite time and I realize that when I see it as an opportunity to be creative and see Christ what a powerful time of year it can be.

- Leneita

Took a group of middle school students to Hershey Park.  During the day the students were free to roam the facility; however, had mandatory check-in times.  When one girl arrived late I asked her for a reason and all I got in return was attitude.  It was a little unexpected and at first I didn’t know how to respond.  I wanted to call her parents and send her home, but then I learned that there was more to the story.  In the end she apologized and the rest of the day was fine.

Has a teenager ever copped an attitude with you before?  It’s alarming and sometimes unexpected.  When caught off guard it’s easy to want to shoot back and go even lower.  Or, maybe you just don’t know how to overcome the disappointment and let it slide.  No matter what you feel, when a teenager shows you a little attitude you need to respond.  But, how do you respond without hurting, rejecting or blowing off the situation?  First, you:

Listen – No matter what they say let it sit out there.  Sometimes the teenager just needs a little bit of time to think about what they said.  If their response was in a moment of passion you are giving them an opportunity to hear their mistake.  You respond immediately and you might escalate the situation down the wrong path.

Respond With “I” Statements – When someone offends us the tendency is to immediately shoot blame.  Instead make your first response a description of how you are feeling like, “I’m a little hurt.” Or “I’m surprised by that.”  Not only are you being authentic, but also you are allowing the offender to know the immediate consequences of their actions.

Offer To Go Deeper – This doesn’t mean to pry and fix what’s going on in their life; however, an off colored comment can sometimes be a shout out for help.  All you need to do is simply ask them, “Is there something we need to talk about?”  If they trust you they’ll let you know the truth.  If they do want to talk about it, just listen and if they don’t assure them that you are available.

Follow Up With Discipline – If a student makes a rude comment towards you, another adult or their parent, be sure to address their action.  Dishonoring parents and being rude to your elders isn’t right.  What is that disciplinary action?  Well that depends on your situation.  It can be as simple as asking them to apologize to who they’ve offended, to removing a certain privilege or responsibility.  No matter what the disciplinary action is, deliver it in love.

When a teen cops an attitude it can be anything from a cry for help to unresolved conflict.  Don’t brush it off, overlook it or over react, if anything slow down the pace, listen and show them God’s love

How do you deal with a teenager’s attitude?

Chris Wesley is the Director of Student Ministry at Church of the Nativity in Timonium, MD. You can read great articles and thoughts about youth ministry on his blog Marathon Youth Ministry.



This week I’ve talked to a couple youth workers who had come down with the same symptoms of a serious disease that infects all of us from time to time: they stopped believing in their church. We’ve all been there (if you haven’t welcome to your first few months in youth ministry – I promise you it is just ahead). So what is your response?

Time for a change in attitude
Quite often when you stop believing in your church or leadership it is time for prayer, not departure. Seasons of discord and discontent are common in ministry – your first response to a frustration should be prayer and consideration to the fact you may just be out of line. Ask God to show you were you need to change, rather than quickly dismiss your inadequacies, arrogance or pride. A just a little heads up – usually you don’t see yourself very well and someone will have to help you with your attitude adjustment. It won’t feel very good.

Time for a change in your job description
Most frustrations can be addressed by a simple change in a job description. Did your youth ministry position recently morph into an associate pastor type of role? Does your job look WAY different than what was pitched to you when you were hired? If you’re feeling it right now, write up some adjustments to your description (or help yourself by writing an official job description if your church never gave you one) that is fulfilling of your responsibilities and calling.

Time for a change in your leader
It’s possible that the leadership you report to needs to change. It will be very difficult to truly discern this – they need to sense God’s Spirit leading them and hear the words of wisdom in their Christian community. Pray that God will open their eyes to poor leadership decisions and pray that you may have a role in helping shape the vision which you are about to abandon because you’re giving up hope.

Time for a change in where you serve
If it isn’t an attitude problem on your part. If your job cannot be edited and adjusted to be a better fit. If your leader is unwilling or unable to change, you might need to begin praying about what God has next for you. When you stop believing in a church or a leader I believe you are quite possibly in the early stages of transition. I put this option last for a reason – this is usually what I flirt with first when I’m losing the vision for the church. Fight through the other steps first, and if/when you get here, pray for clarity and wisdom.

To youth workers who are hurting … I’ve walked that road in the past, and still dabble in it now from time to time. Don’t stop believing … and when you do check your heart, your role, your leader and if God wants to make a change.

JG