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Wrapping Up Sex

 —  June 18, 2013 — 1 Comment

Two weeks ago we wrapped a series on Sex. Every time we do a series on sex…I feel like a have different conversations and gain some new insight.

Here are a few observations from our last series on sex:

1. We asked students to share with their “u” (our seating set up) which parent had “the talk” with them. In both services, there were students in my group that said they didn’t have the talk with their parents…they had learned all they needed from there friends. The students ranged from 7th grade to 10th grade. I can’t even imagine that students are 13 to 15 years old and not having ANY conversation talked with your parents. That seems a little sketchy to me.
I spoke with our lead pastor (also a parent of a teenager) afterwards about how we could better equip parents to engage with their students. We talked about what it would look like if offered events or resources that would help encourage parents to have a honest conversation with the student. Youth ministries need to help a student by helping the family. 

2. On the Sunday that I spoke in our 3 part series – we allowed for students to text in questions. Again, in both services, students texted in questions about sexual abuse and how God saw them because of what happened to them. EVEN after I had talked specifically about the reality that they are not to blame and there is no shame as part of my message. I think students who have been abused will need to be continually reminded and encouraged that they are not defined by their abuse. We can’t talk about this truth enough.

3. Over the years, the church has talked about sex is various ways. Maybe even two extremes. Sex is bad. Sex is awesome. (I know that may be a slight exaggeration but you know what I mean…) What I do know is at times we have confused kids. We have made sex the MAIN conversation. In some ways, students do feel/think this way. And when we talk about it in certain terms we only had to that pressure. In some ways we have made it the ultimate gift from God and the ultimate sin against God. Instead of sex being a great gift from God BUT not his BEST gift to us which ultimately is his love and grace for us. It is a minor tweak to the conversation but I think it is an important one as we move forward. We’ve made sex the most powerful thing in our lives…let’s take a little power out of it. Freeing students to experience grace were they have messed up and at the same time celebrating singleness that may be ahead of them in the coming years.

Are you learning anything new about our conversation around sex?

Neely McQueen


One response to Wrapping Up Sex

  1. When I started at a church one time I asked some of the student leadership what topics would be of interest to them for us to go over in the coming months. Their response was, “We don’t really have a suggestion but please don’t talk about sex! It’s all we have heard for months and we promise we won’t do it if you don’t talk about it for a while!” It is important to discuss sex but I think it is far more important to work on helping them grow closer to Christ and as that relationship builds, the idea of premarital sex won’t be as much of an issue. It will always be an issue but having a strong relationship with Christ will do far more than my just telling them over and over again that sex is bad. Just for clarification’s sake, I am not saying that the conversation shouldn’t be had but we have to focus on what will make an eternal difference in their lives first and handling behavior modification after that!

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